Gagasan

When it’s done even if the consequences are still way long, it feels relieved.

I thought the cycle that always come to my mind would come for the last time in 3 years ago. That cycle always come regularly once in 3 years. Now I’m pretty sure if that’s true because it really happens this time. I can’t believe that. However, the outcome of every desicion is always good so let’s see.

Nothing, just as usual. Everybody just came in, made some noise and came out. It seems to be the same match. I thought hikikomori is no longer a boring thing for this semester, at least if it were compared to this semester.

Sesuatu tak pernah sebegitu menakutkan. Hal itu berkali-kali aku rasakan. Sayangnya rasa seperti itu selalu datang tidak pada saat aku akan mulai melakukannya. Sekarang, sesuatu semacam itu muncul lagi dan seperti biasa, terlihat begitu menakutkan. Meskipun aku tahu bahwa sesuatu itu tak sebegitu menakutkan, tapi tetap saja sesuatu itu belum terjadi dan aku harus bersahabat dengan ketakutan hingga rasa “tak pernah sebegitu menakutkan” itu datang. Ya, pasti akan datang.

It’s never been easy to close my eyes, I mean it takes time for me to fall into sleep even after laying on bed for a while. There’ll always be something keeps popping up inside my head which is too hard to stop. When I was 5 or so, sometimes I pretended to close my eyes when my mother asked me to take a nap. The funny thing is that I pretended it for almost 2 hours because I couldn’t turn my mind off. I still wonder, how can a five-year-old child chose to do such thing instead of just wake up and play or simply sleep easily. After years the symptom hasn’t gone and I still have to follow and go to the place where my mind leads me to before eventually falling asleep. That’s pretty cool actually and releasing sometimes, but it kills so much time that I can spent to do other prior things even to sleep itself. Whenever I sleep with my friends, the last person who closes his eyes is almost always me. I wonder how can they just sleep whenever they want, whereas in the other part of the world I have to struggle passing through such a freaking weird unavoidable obstacle. Fine, I’ll consider it as a lullaby then.

I always try to keep my mind open. It’d never be easy for me to do so. I’m not telling that it’s hard, but the consequences of doing such thing sometimes make me feel so exhausted. People often judge and even blame so many things which in fact don’t break the norm and are not their businesses at all but they keep wasting their time and energy just for the sake of their contentment. In contrary, I always think that if something or someone doesn’t break the norm (rule) or harm other’s businesses then I will tolerate and let them do whatever they want and it doesn’t matter for me. I often face difficulties when I have to explain this idea to those who aren’t open minded and they keep judging and blaming whatever they don’t like. Should we send them to a brand new place which is totally different just to make them minority so they will understand what tolerance is? I think, people who are majority will more likely to behave as much as they want even harm the minority and invasive. However, if they’re minority they will be more tolerant, having more self awareness and respect the diversity. I hope there will be more people in the world who are open minded, tolerant and respect others regardless their appearance, origin, and faith.

When I was in kindergarten, there were some friends of mine who always cried not everyday, but very often. One day one cried, on the other day the other cried. They cried as if it was scheduled. I just wondered how could they easily cry when in the same time there was a person like me who couldn’t even feel sad when the same reason which made them cried happened to me even if it was worse. I thought that I was a strong kid. But later when I grew up, a similar case happened in my life. There were several cases here, like when everybody around me teased other people by mentioning their parents’ names to call them instead of their own name, and they just responded it with the same thing so there was no end. There were several others like swearing, saying inappropriate words, and so on. Perhaps I seem to be disadvantaged by not doing the things that others do and I lost many opportunities to be happy by doing such things. Or perhaps I lost my valuable chance to cry as much as I want since crying is one of the most relieving things and now I can’t do it even if I want. Now I know that I didn’t use to be a strong kid, but I was just too lazy to use my energy to do things which have no use, even worsening the condition. Imagine when a kid hurts and bleeds and then he/she cries. Would it be more exhausting than if he/she just keeps silent and conserves his/her energy in order for him/her to recover faster? This consideration was what might be on my mind when I was a kid and I’m proud of it. Hoooray, finally there is one thing that I can be proud of, even if it is weird. Anyway give me applause!

What’s up guys! This time I want to share a little story with you about life as an Indonesian college student. Well, currently I am a student at a university in Yogyakarta. I will not tell you about my major or my university or something like that, maybe next time. What I want to share with you is about the behavior of people in my university (I am pretty sure in other universities are so) including students, lecturers and all academic staffs. I am not really sure if this is behavior or not. It may be the system that is wrong which makes such “strange” behavior.

Almost every student that I see -including me- just get to the class and sit far behind (so we can even sleep during the class). Then our teacher just read what is written in the screen (read: ppt) all the time and there will be a student (a diligent one) who writes it down on her/his (normally her) note, then everyone else will copy it on the day before exam. Interestingly, the exam itself has been designed by our teacher and she/he gives the design (we call it kisi-kisi) to us so we can study (literally memorize) just what will be questioned in the exam without comprehending the lesson.  We just do such things every time  and eventually we don’t even learn anything (ok forgive me, may be a little). Is it not amazing?

Ok. In one hand, such a condition can save more time and more energy because we don’t need to study so many things (which is exhausting if we use the current system) to graduate from a college. But in the other hand we (student) are robbed. Our rights are robbed. Right of understanding the concepts, right of acquiring new skills, right of joy of learning, right of having unlimited curiosity, and after all right of not to be treated as if we were not human being.

This post is inspired by Prof. Suwardjono. He said that students should be courageous in learning something new, miss the class and never be patient waiting for the next class. But the reality is: students in the class just come, sit, hear (not listen), hope class will end soon, do not think, never even learn, just copy friend’s note and make it as the only source of knowledge, and pray that there will be no class the next day. He even made epithets for the college graduates from time to time, which are Sarjana Diktat (Bachelor of Dictate),  Sarjana Fotokopi (Bachelor of Photocopy), Sarjana Powerpoint (Bachelor of Powerpoint). Those epithets represent how the graduates attain the material (memorize to answer the question in exam) and use it as the only source of knowledge, instead of reading and understanding the book of reference, journal, etc. And by doing such things they become bachelors, yeah SARJANA.  And all these kinds of graduates are occupying so many crucial positions in this nation. Can you imagine how would this nation be like?

Jika persepsi diibaratkan sebagai P dan waktu sebagai t, maka persepsi kita terhadap seseorang dapat diketahui dengan rumus:

Persepsi = dP/dt

Persepsi datang dari pikiran kita saat mengamati apa yang seseorang perbuat. Semakin lama kita mengenal seseorang, kita cenderung akan membuat lebih banyak persepsi mengenai orang tersebut dan otak kita akan bekerja dan menggambarkan kepada kita seperti apa sebenarnya orang tersebut. Kerja otak ini tidak akan pernah selesai dalam mengolah persepsi tersebut hingga orang tersebut benar-benar menghilang dari kehidupan kita dan pada akhirnya otak kita akan memberikan persepsi simpulan mengenai orang tersebut.